Here's one secret of reclaiming your power: If you're not running your own show, someone or something else is. And it may not be moving you in the direction you want to go.Take time to figure out areas in which you're letting something else run your show, other than you. Then uplevel your Inner Power Matrix by defusing it through reflection and action.
This can be a daily or weekly exercise. You usually can't do it all in one go. Whatever you do, be gentle with yourself as you work through bringing your power back from all the places you've farmed it out to.
1. Reaffirm for yourself that YOU are the power holder in your life. Accept the transformational realization that you are the power holder in your life, and that this is THE way for you to get to the achievements, success, and life you dream of. Realize that you can take your power back from all these places where you've unintentionally let other people, beliefs, or ideas hold sway. Give yourself permission to do this. And, do this with love, not blame. It was only what you were taught up until now as "how the world works". You know now that the world works differently than that.
2. What's Running Your Show? Do a deep-dive reflection into identifying things that push you out of your secure power core. Look for things that create discord, doubt, powerlessness, or trigger self-defeating behaviors like an inability to say no even though you know you need to be saying no. What disempowers you? Where are you leaking power? What pushes you out of a steady orbit?
The more you understand about what pushes your buttons, the more immediate power you wield to defuse and recode your reaction into a strong, effective response. You can more easily realize, "This is just an old survival pattern, an old trigger, an old response." Knowing this can give you the emotional distance you need to recover and recode it into strength, rather than thinking it's just who you are.
"The more you understand about what pushes your buttons, the more immediate power you wield to defuse and recode your reaction into a strong, effective response." Click to tweet.
3. Defuse It: Reclaim INNER power (thoughts, beliefs, visualizations). Explore the thoughts or beliefs that make you think you have to obey this item. What makes you stay in this situation? What makes you hold back or stay quiet? Are any of these old survival mechanisms from childhood? If so, are they helping or hurting your life in the present? Can you let any of them go?
Stay at this step if outer change seems too big, and just start thinking differently about the situation. Use your imagination and play the scenario, but with you coming from the stronger, better, more powerful place you envision. Even at your thought level you are changing the energy of how you run things by doing this.
4. Defuse It: Reclaim OUTER power (actions, decisions, choices). Identify an action to change that returns the power back to you. It is action in the world that makes your desire to change lift you to new levels. Say "No" to a request that you already know are draining, but formerly felt obligated to take on. Do the thing you want or need to do, confidently rather than putting it off endlessly feeling doubt or perfectionism. Choose to give less time to that person who leaves you feeling shamed and guilted for the things you're working on. Work on that project and release it to the world, and focus on the good you can bring, not the fear of criticism. Experiment - like anything, this is a skill to be practiced.
Leaking your power occurs when you give someone else's disapproval, judgment, potential anger or criticism the power to sway your actions. When you give in to implied have-to's, or roll over when threatened by the potential for frowns or cutting words, you're reinforcing to yourself that you are powerless. You may take on extra duties even though you're already overstretched, repeatedly end up wasting hours at events you hate, fail to stand up for yourself and the value of your contribution, never publish your book or article, or even walk around in an ongoing state of life-sapping guilt that you can't please that one demanding individual in your life or work. All of these take time, money, energy, and willpower away from the things you really want to be doing with your one, amazing,wonderful life. Don't let them!
Some areas to explore to uplevel your Power Matrix are understanding your reactions to:
Emotions you are afraid to trigger in others, such as disapproval, judgment, criticism. Are there particular responses that you dread seeing in others? If so, these are running your show and can lead to things like being a pleaser, hiding your talents, or holding back from speaking up even when you have strong contributions to make. If you were raised in a critical home where survival was always "being good" by doing/being what others wanted, you may still have a hypersensitivity to even the slightest cues of disapproval. Reflect: What amazing things could you do in your career and life mission, if you were less susceptible to criticism, disapproval, or judgment? How can you defuse the impact these potential emotions have on you?
People in your life, especially toxic people or those that leave you feeling worthless or drained. Are there people or types of people who you automatically consider "more powerful" or "more worthy" than you? Are there people you repeatedly give in to by obeying their "have-to's" to avoid the emotional storm they'll leverage? If so, they're running your show with their drama. Reflect: What obligation do you feel toward these individuals, and why do you permit them to keep disempowering you? Is the obligation real? How would your life improve if you began holding stronger boundaries with these individuals?
Situations, such as meetings, events, presentations, that may trigger doubt, fear, or behaviors that make you hang back rather than contribute. You may still have an old belief that "it is wrong to speak up" or that "those who speak up get punished" that keeps your brilliance hidden under a basket. This thought that runs your show can keep you hiding your skills or believing you are "worthless", even though you're really talented. Reflect: What do you expect to happen if you speak up with expertise and inner strength, and where does that belief come from? Do you see others who speak up with no issues? How can you experiment with beginning to contribute as much as they do?
Overall emotional triggers: guilt, doubt, shame, obligation, fear of failure, fear of owning your success, feeling you are never good enough. Run through the cycle of these and find out how and why they affect you. Envision a life where you are NOT governed by these triggers. Reflect: If you weren't being railroaded by disapproval, fear of criticism, fear of failure, guilt about not being a pleaser, etc., how much confidence, strength, and power could you radiate in working with others and bringing your life vision into being?
Begin to explore all the ways you give your power away. Once you understand these, you can address each one with the small, transformational changes that can bring your power back where it belongs, inside you. Knowing what pushes your buttons gives you the tools you need to recode those buttons to be empowering, not blocking. With each one you recode, you are running your own show that much more, rather than letting these old artifacts run it for you.
Explore, and let the changes begin to open up new possibilities for you.
Keep Growing,
