How many times have you talked yourself out of something -- even something you wanted to do?
How many times have you almost talked yourself out of something you wanted to do, but actually pulled together your courage, did it, then thought, “This was no big deal. What was I so worried about?”
The difference between the two is how you handled the pre-event thoughts. In the first, you let them stop you. In the second, you didn’t. And it felt awesome!
Managing pre-event thoughts is an important aspect of Mental Endurance for Professionals. Mastering this ability helps you take advantage of more and bigger opportunities, and ups your game with an increased willingness to enter new and unknown situations. A superior mental game here will help you talk yourself INTO heading out, and boost the number of connections, collaborations, and new experiences you can cultivate -- and that means you’re that much closer to your personal and professional goals.
Be aware of the bias
The key to mastering pre-event thoughts is twofold. The first key is “bias awareness”. That is, simply be aware there’s a mental bias toward the negative, and find out how it manifests in your own self-talk. Reflect on this. When you talk yourself out of doing something, what do you typically say? Data log it for a while if you really want some insights (see this post). What fears do you typically let take the upper hand and stop you from doing, completing, attending, connecting, responding, growing, achieving?
The human mind has a survival bias toward casting the unknown as “fearful”. This means that when you’re facing an unknown quantity, your subconscious is already popping up some “reasonable” reasons why doing it isn’t such a good idea and why it’s muuuuuuuch better to stay home and binge-watch your favorite show. As in: You won’t know anyone. You'll feel like an idiot. You hate gatherings like this. The event runs too late. It's too far. It’s too cold/hot/wet/rainy out. It probably isn’t that important/necessary/interesting anyway. The status quo isn't so bad, so, let's just stay home. And so on.
So be aware that your mind is already finding many excuses to maintain rather than grow, and that that's natural, but can let trivial things get in the way of your goals if you don't deal with it.
Manage the bias with BUT
The second key is “bias management”. How do you handle those pre-event thoughts when they pop up? The method is to make your event risk-free for yourself, to reinforce your commitment, and to restore your momentum. The power word to use here is “BUT”.
As in, “It’s too cold/late/early BUT I’m not going to let that stop me.” Or, “I hate networking BUT even if I don’t talk to even one single person and leave after 15 minutes, I’ll STILL get some experience and courage just from going.”
“This was no big deal. What was I so worried about?!” is one of the most empowering statements you can experience.
FYI, your bias can also come from the effects of perfectionism (“I don’t want to go until I feel I can deliver my pitch perfectly”), introversion (“I stand at the edge and don’t talk to anyone anyway, so why bother”), and powerlessness (“they’ll probably all talk above my head anyway”). All these are designed to stop you from seizing an opportunity -- and all these WILL stop you by luring you with the idea that, "maybe not now, but some time when I feel more ready". That time can add weeks, months, or forever to your goal achievement. Don't let these get in your way! Know your individual biases, and work to soothe your mind about these. Make it no-risk and any-effort-OK.
Given what you know now, how would you finish these sentences to make sure this person seizes the opportunity?
I don’t want to go to the job fair until I feel I can give my pitch perfectly, BUT ____________.
I stand at the edge and don’t talk to anyone anyway, BUT ____________.
They’ll probably all talk above my head anyway, BUT ____________.
Great! You got this!
The more you see, do, explore, participate in, and absorb, the more knowledge and capability you have. Even if something ends up being outside your field, or you literally don’t talk to a single soul, you added to your store of knowledge just by showing up. And yes, there are times when it’ll crash and burn, be boring, or whatever - but even then, you learn things you can use. Being willing to enter into the difficult, the unknown, and the challenging helps you go farther in all your goals.
If you never face the unknown, you’ll never know. Manage your pre-event talk by understanding the bias, and having some “BUT…” commitments ready. Give yourself PRAISE for just doing it, too. Positive reward works wonders in this area. And remember, AFTER the event that big reward lasts and lasts. “This was no big deal. What was I so worried about?!” is one of the most empowering statements you can experience.
What event or action that you’ve previously talked yourself out of, will you now commit to doing today?
Keep Growing,
Katherine Lieber coaches and trains on self-leadership, limitlessness, energy health, inner power, and healing the wounded professional to recover core vision, joy, and high-powered performance in the workplace. She is the founder of TitaniumBlue Leadership. Be limitless - be the hero in a world that needs you.
© 2019 Katherine R. Lieber & TitaniumBlue Leadership
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