Every place in which you struggle with holding your power is giving you valuable information. The reason it's valuable is this: by having to overcome it deliberately, through reflection, change (= energy) and action, you will end up with a much more nuanced, sensitive understanding of how power works for you, and for others. This can give you insights that someone who has never had to do the deep dive won't have, and insights are potent things.
The key is to be able to stop the self-censure ("Why am I such a fool, why do I hate this when everyone else just does it naturally, I knew better than to do that, I feel so stupid...") and begin to learn from the gift it's giving you. Every fracture in your inner power landscape tells you where you need to make repairs.
Every fracture in your inner power landscape tells you where you need to make repairs. Click to tweet.
You probably totally get the first step - it's a fracture, it's not how you want to be, nor will it help you in this professional situation. But if you grew up in a family that was shaming or controlling, you may have trouble getting to the second or action step on this. You might remain stuck in the Shame Game aspects of simply beating yourself over the head with that as evidence of your worthlessness. Back in the day they may never have let you grow out of past shaming, or forget an incident, or ever let anything go, even years later - and you may have internalized that and now, you do it to yourself (or believe others will do it, or attract others who actually do this in your life).
Except, you're a new you now - because you choose to be. YOU can do it differently. So let go of the censure and let the learning come. Go ahead and apply the action step: take the incident and treat it as something to learn from. Take the emotion out of the equation ("I'm such a worthless goof!") to level it out into a factual and learning opportunity. Envision yourself as the wise teacher who can help walk you through this into a new level of learning. Here's how.
Identify the fractured areas in which you have trouble handling or holding power. For example,
I lose my ability to handle power well when I have to do something I've only done once or twice and fear I'll make some really stupid mistake that doesn't look professional. I get SO afraid this will happen, I do endless test runs trying to make sure it's perfect. Even with all that I STILL freeze or procrastinate on releasing the end product. I feel like I'm five years old again and afraid of making a mistake that "they" will never, ever let me live down.
I have trouble holding power when others disapprove of me. The bottom falls out of my stomach and I just want to sink into the ground. I churn about my own worthlessness and why I didn't do it differently. I feel ill with the potential fear that somehow they'll block me or badmouth me.
I have trouble holding power when I'm faced by authorities in my field, executives, people with public acclaim in areas I want to expand into, etc. I automatically feel so unworthy, I can't maintain a strong presence around them. I melt into the background instead of engaging them as a fellow contributor, and I miss out on the opportunity to meet and share ideas. Meanwhile, others with no such fracture simply walk up and talk to them!
Explore. What do these fractures tell you about your inner power landscape? These three examples show fractures around evaluation and approval. That means evaluation-based exchanges can skew you from running your show. You may have a fantastic work product, and truly groundbreaking initiatives, but you get so derailed by the approval-fracture that in these situations, you can hold power about as well as a sieve holds water. It probably feels like that from inside as well - pretty awful, and embarrassing too as others with less skill, but more flexibility, are out there doing the things YOU want to do.
Recode. Treat these fractures as gifts rather than permanent wounds. First, witness the wounding in order to let it heal. Journal or talk out with a trusted friend. Where did this stuff come from? Does it still need to be true for you today? If it's got painful memories attached, honor the Inner Self that suffered the original fracture. In private or with trusted companions, journal, draw, paint, dance, sing or drum (etc.) out the painful story so that it gets out and can heal.
Next, realize this gives you special sensitivities. As I say in my programs, these are your Secret Origins and a key part of your Life Story Arc. Within each fracture is the seed of realizing you are skillful, capable, and able to reclaim the ability to be a strong voice and a changemaker. From being painful and powerless, each fracture is a source of power. You have to learn this skill from the inside out, and that gives you special knowledge that adds richness to your life, work, and ability to mentor or help others.
Problem-solve. What are some authentic ways to be who you want to be in each situation? To tie back to the three examples, you could...
Realize that even the pros have gremlins and flub-ups, and forgive yourself, even if your family never did. Make it less important to "stay perfect, stay safe" and more important to "be authentic, and get your message out there so others can benefit". Practice just handling it professionally when things go awry. If you remain calm and matter of fact, others follow your lead.
Allow others to own their own disapproval, and let it roll off you. Admit that it hurts, but that you know your supportive tribe is happy with you, and that what you give to life, work, and world, is more important than someone's critical words. Even the most famous, successful, seasoned professionals can't please everyone. Write a few life-affirming mantras to keep handy that you can fall back on to get positive again when you meet with disapproval.
Feel your seniority and stand strong in your vision when you meet others who are farther along the path you want to walk. Stop feeling a false smallness that you are "less" than they are and that this "disqualifies" you from being able to speak with them. They were once in your shoes as younger individuals with someone farther than them, too. Face them with curiosity, good energy, and the will to engage. Let your authenticity be the shared connection with their commitment and fire.
For additional perspective, think this: for every powerful skill you manage with ease, someone else out there has a huge fracture that makes this same skill feel "impossible" to them. It's really all relative, so let your fractures be your guideposts, rather than your barriers.
Extra Credit: Take time today to identify one or more power fractures of your own. What gifts do they bring? What sensitivity or awareness do you possess having to learn these from the inside out, that you wouldn't otherwise have? How can you infuse this wise knowing into what you bring to life, work, and world?
Keep Growing,
