The opposite of a Hero's Journey story is the Victim, Negative, or Stagnant story. These variants on a Journey story merely keep you stuck in the tale they are repeating. How and why? And how to STOP telling these, and get out of the swamp?
The Victim, Negative, or Stagnant story is one in which you tell and retell some limiting aspect of your journey as a reason why you are the person you are today. Instead of the expansion and growth of the Hero’s Journey, this story stops you in your tracks.
It often sounds “perfectly reasonable” to continue telling it. After all, that’s what we’re often taught, to focus on the past, on limitation, and on our past failures or lacks as defining who we are or what our limits may be. It may also feel “right and proper” that you tell this tale (since it’s “part of your history”, right?). This also can reflect the idea of worrying that others will consider you as becoming too big for your britches if you try to take on confidence. Instead, you tell an explanation of why you can’t or never went past this point.
But the real end result is that you repeatedly reinforce for yourself that you’re lacking, limited, stuck, or unable to excel, all because of this broken story from your past. And, you never move past that point.
How to identify a Stagnant Story? The structure is something of a “this happened, therefore today I can’t…”
“I was picked on and outcast as the brainy nerd in class, so today I’m too nervous to present and speak in meetings.”
“We moved house so much, I wasn’t able to make friends, so I’m just not good at being social.”
“I’m an introvert and always have been, so I’ll never be any good at networking.”
“But then this, that and the other happened, and I just wasn’t ever able to go back to school and get a higher degree.”
The problem is that this endpoint is never passed or addressed. The Stagnant Story ends there and is repeated as a reason why you’re not good at something, or can’t do something. You may repeat it endlessly to yourself -- "and that's why I'm a terrible public speaker." You may repeat it to others as a reason to explain "why" you can't do things you don’t really want to do. When you do, your Hero Self remains stuck in the swamp.
And that leads us to the cure. The cure for the Stagnant Story is... to stop telling it!
Yes, stop telling the Stagnant Story. Start telling your Hero’s Story.
If you really don’t want to do something (go to events, get a higher degree, etc.), then own up to that, to yourself and/or others. Stop using this Stagnant Story as the “reason why”. Own your reasons, even if they disappoint others. You’ll start to feel more inner power when you do.
Take the Stagnant Story and begin to add a new ending. “...but I’m not going to let that stop me. I can find my own way to do/be/enjoy/participate in this.”
Place your Stagnant Story on your Hero’s Journey arc. How is this actually an essential contribution to your Hero’s Journey?
Or, just drop your Stagnant Story out of your story altogether! If you’ve been repeating, “We moved house so much I was never able to make friends, so I’m just not cut out for being social” -- just drop your house-moving from your identity story. Who cares? No one, and you don’t need to either.
One caveat: not telling the Stagnant Story may feel difficult at first, because telling it triggers peptides, i.e. chemicals in the brain, to feel pleasure and rightness. That's why the Stagnant Story can become such a well-worn groove: you're hooked on the peptide rush it generates. The telling of it actually becomes a mechanism that rewards your brain with positive chemicals. To get past this takes deliberate mental choice to NOT tell the story when you start to do so, to NOT reward yourself with this peptide rush. (It can work well to simply state it to yourself -- "Wow, I'll stop telling that now, that's triggering a peptide rush." This can give you some intellectual distance from the chemical reaction.)
The more you STOP telling it, the more you'll get out of that groove. And the more you'll be able to dial in to the awesomeness of your Hero's Journey.
How will you STOP telling a Stagnant Story today?
Keep Growing,
Katherine Lieber coaches and trains on self-leadership, limitlessness, energy health, inner power, and healing the wounded professional to recover core vision, joy, and high-powered performance in the workplace. She is the founder of TitaniumBlue Leadership. Be limitless - be the hero in a world that needs you.
© 2019 Katherine R. Lieber & TitaniumBlue Leadership
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